The Downhill Lie: A Hacker's Return to a Ruinous Sport
by: Carl Hiaasen
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Ever wonder how to retrieve a sunken golf cart from a snake-infested lake? Or which club in your bag is best suited for combat against a horde of rats? If these and other sporting questions are gnawing at you, The Downhill Lie, Carl Hiaasen’s hilarious confessional about returning to the fairways after a thirty-two-year absence, is definitely the book for you.
Originally drawn to the game by his father, Carl wisely quit golfing in 1973, when “Richard Nixon was hunkered down like a meth-crazed badger in the White House, Hank Aaron was one dinger shy of Babe Ruth’s all-time home run record, and The Who had just released Quadrophenia.” But some ambitions refuse to die, and as the years—and memories of shanked 7-irons—faded, it dawned on Carl that there might be one thing in life he could do better in middle age than he could as a youth. So gradually he ventured back to the dreaded driving range, this time as the father of a five-year-old son—and also as a grandfather.
“What possesses a man to return in midlife to a game at which he’d never excelled in his prime, and which in fact had dealt him mostly failure, angst and exasperation? Here’s why I did it: I’m one sick bastard.”
And thus we have Carl’s foray into a world of baffling titanium technology, high-priced golf gurus, bizarre infomercial gimmicks and the mind-bending phenomenon of Tiger Woods; a maddening universe of hooks and slices where Carl ultimately—and foolishly—agrees to compete in a country-club tournament against players who can actually hit the ball. “That’s the secret of the sport’s infernal seduction,” he writes. “It surrenders just enough good shots to let you talk yourself out of quitting.”
Hiaasen’s chronicle of his shaky return to this bedeviling pastime and the ensuing demolition of his self-esteem—culminating with the savage 45-hole tournament—will have you rolling with laughter. Yet the bittersweet memories of playing with his own father and the glow he feels when watching his own young son belt the ball down the fairway will also touch your heart. Forget Tiger, Phil and Ernie. If you want to understand the true lure of golf, turn to Carl Hiaasen, who has written an extraordinary book for the ordinary hacker.
Ever wonder how to retrieve a sunken golf cart from a snake-infested lake? Or which club in your bag is best suited for combat against a horde of rats? If these and other sporting questions are gnawing at you, The Downhill Lie, Carl Hiaasen’s hilarious confessional about returning to the fairways after a thirty-two-year absence, is definitely the book for you.
Originally drawn to the game by his father, Carl wisely quit golfing in 1973, when “Richard Nixon was hunkered down like a meth-crazed badger in the White House, Hank Aaron was one dinger shy of Babe Ruth’s all-time home run record, and The Who had just released Quadrophenia.” But some ambitions refuse to die, and as the years—and memories of shanked 7-irons—faded, it dawned on Carl that there might be one thing in life he could do better in middle age than he could as a youth. So gradually he ventured back to the dreaded driving range, this time as the father of a five-year-old son—and also as a grandfather.
“What possesses a man to return in midlife to a game at which he’d never excelled in his prime, and which in fact had dealt him mostly failure, angst and exasperation? Here’s why I did it: I’m one sick bastard.”
And thus we have Carl’s foray into a world of baffling titanium technology, high-priced golf gurus, bizarre infomercial gimmicks and the mind-bending phenomenon of Tiger Woods; a maddening universe of hooks and slices where Carl ultimately—and foolishly—agrees to compete in a country-club tournament against players who can actually hit the ball. “That’s the secret of the sport’s infernal seduction,” he writes. “It surrenders just enough good shots to let you talk yourself out of quitting.”
Hiaasen’s chronicle of his shaky return to this bedeviling pastime and the ensuing demolition of his self-esteem—culminating with the savage 45-hole tournament—will have you rolling with laughter. Yet the bittersweet memories of playing with his own father and the glow he feels when watching his own young son belt the ball down the fairway will also touch your heart. Forget Tiger, Phil and Ernie. If you want to understand the true lure of golf, turn to Carl Hiaasen, who has written an extraordinary book for the ordinary hacker.
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Customer Reviews
Average Rating:
Rating: 
- loads of laughs
can see yourself and everyone you have ever played golf with in this book. highly entertaining.
Rating: 
- Good, not great.
I've read all of Hiaasens' books.This is not one of his best books, but an enjoyable read just the same.
Rating: 
- Funny in spots but needs an editor right of Olbermann
Hiassen can be a funny guy and this book has some really funny lines.Unfortunately, his hatred of W overwhelms this book in a lot of spots.I do not care that he is left of center, but he preaches the gospel of "anti-McMansion & anti-Golf Development" as he is playing golf at golf developments with McMansions.Walk the walk or shut up and write about golf.Also, he talks with Mike Lupica throughout the book.Lupica is to whiny and snotty as the Pacific is to wet.The verdict?Unless you think ... Read More
Rating: - Good read on a rainy day at the beach
Parts are funny - parts are insightful. On the whole it was like reading Carl's Day Planner with notes of his almost daily round of golf. It was interesting that he spent so much money on equipment & lessons (as in thousands) when what he really needed was time with a life coach to help him over come his panic attacks and lack of self esteem.
Rating: 
- Sh_ _ nk of a Good Read!
Hiaason certainly is a good writer, able to turn the ordinary into laughable prose, here at his own expense as he chronicles his exit-return-threatened exit from golf.
The ordinary all golfers go through, to some degree or another: inconsistency, never reaching goals, slumps, etc.Hiaason takes all this with his own links prowess, or lack of, and turns it into delightful read, witness his journaling of incident with Bufo toads, or his liking cleaning his new Ping putter at a car wash and ... Read More
- loads of laughscan see yourself and everyone you have ever played golf with in this book. highly entertaining.
- Good, not great.I've read all of Hiaasens' books.This is not one of his best books, but an enjoyable read just the same.
- Funny in spots but needs an editor right of OlbermannHiassen can be a funny guy and this book has some really funny lines.Unfortunately, his hatred of W overwhelms this book in a lot of spots.I do not care that he is left of center, but he preaches the gospel of "anti-McMansion & anti-Golf Development" as he is playing golf at golf developments with McMansions.Walk the walk or shut up and write about golf.Also, he talks with Mike Lupica throughout the book.Lupica is to whiny and snotty as the Pacific is to wet.The verdict?Unless you think ... Read More
- Good read on a rainy day at the beachParts are funny - parts are insightful. On the whole it was like reading Carl's Day Planner with notes of his almost daily round of golf. It was interesting that he spent so much money on equipment & lessons (as in thousands) when what he really needed was time with a life coach to help him over come his panic attacks and lack of self esteem.
- Sh_ _ nk of a Good Read!Hiaason certainly is a good writer, able to turn the ordinary into laughable prose, here at his own expense as he chronicles his exit-return-threatened exit from golf.
The ordinary all golfers go through, to some degree or another: inconsistency, never reaching goals, slumps, etc.Hiaason takes all this with his own links prowess, or lack of, and turns it into delightful read, witness his journaling of incident with Bufo toads, or his liking cleaning his new Ping putter at a car wash and ... Read More
